Saturday, April 7, 2012

Me and My Throat

Sometimes I wish it was cancer. It would kill me or I would beat it. But thyroid disease is mean. I have to grip for just a minute. It has been so rough. And I feel that with cancer, people are aware of what it going on, when you are struggling, and sick, and they help out more. I know, isn't that bad, to wish for worse, thinking it would be better. I am sure that this will pass in a bit, that my meds will kick in and my life will even out. I am already feeling a bit better. My heart was pounding for weeks but has now returned to normal. For weeks it felt as if a small child stood on my sternum. Shortness of breath, pounding. It is all evened out. When my meds are off, I am unsure of myself, I have anxiety, I am super edgy. Fun, huh. Today I can't stop crying but it isn't every day and I hope to have that even out a little more. I am thinking that documenting it a little, may help a little. If not me, then someone out there that is struggling... Maybe the problem is me. Okay, I know it is. I don't know how to ask for more help from my family. I don't manage my chores and duties well. I don't have much time for me set aside. I so miss being the happy girl I was. The one that laughed more. The one that was so easy going, ready to jump in the car and run off to something fun. Self confident, outgoing, and kind. Now I just want all the kids to get in their beds and try again tomorrow. So this coming week I am going to do some of the things I have found on Pinterest to bring more order to my life, and hopefully more joy. I am going to start a playgroup for my #4, who is sorely missing fun in her life. I am going to start a new diet. (More exactly, I should say, I have already started but need to get more info: Body for Life...We shall see if that is part of the answer.) Goals are good. If not written, then they are just dreams. (I know this is a quote somewhere, written better by someone more famous!) I know I have a wonderful life and I just need to keep working on parts. (Feel free to comment but no sympathy, please. Just something positive, or something that is going on in your life that relates.)


  1. I love you, Em!!! :). Hugs, Sami

  2. I feel like a small child is sitting on my chest too, but I don't have the same disease. I just have too much to do and today I had some sort of small version of an anxiety attack or something. It was hard to breathe. So, I feel your pain... sorta. And I love you.

  3. Em! I have been there! I still have days like this... you are not alone. It is a silent disease because people do not understand how debilitating it is. I went through days when I didn't even want to get out of bed..... so yes my friend, I have been there:) Two years since my diagnosis and I am still on meds and can't do anything permanent for at least two more years. So days are not good.... But when it is good... it is SO GOOD!! I have found the key to mine is getting plenty of sleep and listening to my body. Hang in there and trust that HE is there for you! Love you!!!

  4. Emily - I hear you! It is so nice to know I am not the only one who is going through thyroid craziness. It is maddening, frustrating, stressful, hard.....I could go on and on. I have been off my meds for a couple of months, but I know my levels are crazy right now. So I am getting blood tests next week. I dread seeing the results. I hear you about just wanting to be the happy, "normal" person I used to be. I am jealous of everyone who has good health and takes it for granted (I used to be those people) -
    And yet, I KNOW there is a reason for this madness. There is a reason I was given this challenge. To be honest, it is probably because I am so stubborn I could not learn things any other way.
    The biggest lesson so far - gratitude for what I do have - what I have been blessed with - and forgetting the diziness, sleeplessness, anxiety, and myself if needs be. I have tried to focus more on my kids (which can be SO hard when I am feeling so anxious and run down) but as much effort as this takes it always helps me take the focus of my woes and put some joy into their little lives.
    You are not alone. Please call me next time you are feeling crappy. It is nice to whine to someone who actually "gets" it instead of people who have no idea the crazy making thyroid disease can be. - Love You!